No Frills Flight

“This is a no frills flight but I am still on the plane”, says Sandra with a chuckle.

Today is Sandra’s 64^th birthday.  Happy to be alive and in good health, she has a superb attitude about her life, despite, losing jobs, a pension, her home, health insurance,  some well heeled  friends and a healthy diet.

 Sandra has been a worker all her life, a beautician, a mortgage broker, a manager and sales professional.    Once she dreamed of being retired; now she says “I’ll never be able to stop working. I’ve had every title under the sun from sales person, manager, general manager and I did a complete turnaround because of the economy

Here is a snapshot of the turnaround, reflected in her salary:

2000   $55k

2006   $34k

2007   $33k

2008   $28k

2009   $24,500k

2010   $19,500k

2011   $12k earned, with social security  year end will be  about 22k

I ask her what her inner voice says when she worries about money.  “I spend a whole lot of time worrying about money. I plan yard sales to make a little to squeak by.   You don’t feel real attractive because you don’t eat right...so I go visit people and don’t tell them much about me. The voice says put one foot in front of the other, don’t buy on emotion. .. you need fruit and veggies,   When someone asks me to join them for lunch  I lie and say I am working. I can’t spend $15 on lunch.   Keep it to yourself and keep on keeping on.”

Sandra  has a few close friends who have helped her out, but her daughter and son-in-law have no idea how hard things are. “My daughter thinks I am bolted to this house”, (her home of 13 years, decorated as a B and B, complete with an English garden.  Her home is her sanctuary.  She is leaving it soon, because the $925 rent is too high.  She is moving to Senior Housing where she will have subsidized rent.  Her daughter thinks it’s great, oblivious to the real truth.  “She doesn’t know that I don’t eat dinner…that I eat pinto beans and cornbread…no one knows what goes on with me…when I walk out the door I look like I stepped out of a band box.”

 What have you cut out of your life because of money, I ask? “Food, electricity, heat, flowers for my yard, clothes, movies, dinner at night, trips, parties, everything, basically.  Health insurance, I now go the county clinic, no dental insurance.”

 I move into my bedroom so I don’t have to heat the whole house..I have a camping 9 volt battery lamp so I don’t run up the electric bill. I really struggle. I had a roommate for the last year and she almost gave me a stroke…she is gone now. I got a second, job paid under table, just so I can pay rent.

Ten years ago, Sandra enjoyed Country Western Dancing, movies, buying flowers for her garden and a vacation to Colorado every three years.  She went to a few parties and ate dinner every day. She anticipated her retirement to be frugal, but comfortable.  She planned on Social Security at 65 and a   $3000 a month pension, but that is not coming in because the company closed three months before she was vested. She has taken early Social Security because she needs the cash.

 “Now I eat breakfast and lunch.  I NEVER eat dinner.” There was nothing elaborate in her life, nothing too expensive, but a life that was made possible by the little cash that was saved for entertainment. “Now I eat a meal and a half  day, it’s frightening.”

We talked for an hour and I only heard one swear word, not surprising for a “Southern Lady who learned to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

I couldn’t resist asking her if she went to Occupy Wall Street demonstrations, and she adamantly said “NO! Ever since the protests about Viet Nam, and the killings at Kent State, I am afraid they will shoot my ass.”  One swear word and a 45 year old memory.

She knows she is not the only one.  She watched her daughter barely rescue her home from foreclosure. 

 “ I've seen  Job loss, home loss, illnesses have escalated, friends moved out of state. On my street 4 families have moved out of state,  they lost cars, they have kids at home. It’s awful.” 

Still, she has found a way to help others. “I gave money to my friend who lost her job.  She got a roommate and had no food, she applied for food stamps...her PGE was about to be cut off because she owed $40, so I paid it for her.”

Generosity has come her way too.  A good friend, who still loves her despite her empty wallet, still takes her to lunch and cheers her up over tea.  She gave her $100 for her birthday, and Sandra “almost cried”.    A dear neighbor with no family gave Sandy $300 when he got a bonus and has promised to pay off her car.   “I helped him put a few years back” says Sandy.

 But food pantries are just too much. “There are all kind of food programs if you want to stand in line…its demeaning…I am the one who gives a can to this person and that person…I just can’t do it.”

  Her 6 year old grandson is her life line and shining light, the one who pulled her out of deep depression when she lost her job in 2004.  Depression, in a depression, looks like this: “I stayed in my house, I shopped at night, I was a recluse.  I shopped in a baseball cap.” Today she is “just surviving”, no longer depressed, thanks to a neighbor who helped  by buying her a camera and insisting she photograph the gorgeous garden she had created.  Then her grandson was born, and the lights in her heart went back on.  

Every day is a struggle.  Yet, she has gained some things too. “I stay home more, I sketch, I water color, I grow flower seeds.  I created a wildflower garden when I couldn’t buy pants.   I watch TV a lot, I have pot luck get-togethers occasionally. I read a lot. I say “Lord, I am out of talent, help me.”  I have learned to trust a higher power.”

I am moved by her strength, her acceptance and her stamina.  Yet, I am haunted.  Millions like Sandra have filed Bankruptcy, kept their struggle a secret.  I am certain she is not the only one to say “I feel alone.

I think nobody lives in their bedroom under an electric blanket.”